LUV BUG

This pregnancy is starting to set in. I am starting to allow myself to get excited but I am still very hesitant. When we first found out we honestly didn't talk about the pregnancy as if it was real. We have started to talk about the future and the fact that it will include a baby. I have let myself dream of possible names again and even think about baby stuff. I of course have not gone and actually looked at anything baby but at least my mind is allowed to think about it.
I am anxiously counting down till the first appointment and ultrasound. Even if we have good results I don't think I will calm down at all. We saw a heartbeat last time and it still ended horribly so I don't know at what point I will feel comfortable with this pregnancy.
I am however grateful for some symptoms. My boobs are heavy than I ever thought they could be and bring tears to my eyes sometimes with how sore they are! I am of course exhausted and suffer from some headaches. I have felt nauseous on and off but really wish it was not so sporadic. I have experienced dizziness that really upset me because I just got rid of my dizziness with sparky but this dizziness is "different" and I have been advised that it is normal due to the lowering of blood pressure and increased blood flow.
I was eating with my friend Jessi and I allowed myself to talk to her about my thoughts. I feel like this baby is a girl. The last two I was sure were boys and this one I think is a girl. If it is a girl I want to decorate the room with ladybugs. The bedroom which will be hers has a red wall (for huskers, its lance's man cave currently) I plan on keeping the red wall and I have seen some cute circle black chalk boards that will be placed randomly on that red wall (ladybug spots if you haven't figured that out). I am excited that I allowed myself to get excited. We started calling her lil bug and it now has evolved to my luv bug.
I am excited to have my luv bug with me today and dream of the day I will hold my luv bug in my arms. Third time is a charm!